During each period between hunting seasons, the same thing happens. You dismantle, clean and reassemble your weapons up to six times a day. You stockpile so much ammunition that you have to close off certain parts of your home. At night, you alternate between hunting and erotic dreams. Your Sundays punctuated with family meals and naps in front of Inspector Derrick are as joyful as a congress of forensic pathologists.

Then, when the flowers are fading, your telephone rings: you are going hunting this Sunday!  However, your lady wife does not see things this way.  She is counting on you to rake the gravel paths, cut the hedge, change tiles on the roof, scour the toilets, massage her feet, mow the lawn, change that light bulb that has been waiting a year and a half, clean the oven and spend some time with your youngest child.  How unfair!

We have chosen 10 excuses so that you can go hunting. Beware! There may be some traces of bad faith and machismo here and there.

  1. Spot, your Springer spaniel, is getting on in years. Who knows, this may be his last hunt.  After all the happiness he has given your family, surely you owe him that.
  2. Grandpa has escaped from the old people’s home once again to hunt squirrels driving his old banger. Only you can bring him back to reason.
  3. Well-known biologists from Madagascar (seen on TV) have asked you to bring them a wild boar for their research. You are hunting for science!
  4. Darling, do you want that fallow deerskin hat?
  5. Your tyrannical boss is organising team building hunting parties. If you take part, you are sure to get promoted at some point in the coming 25 years.
  6. You want the best for your children! Now the best is wild boar meat pâté for breakfast, not that ghastly spread full of palm oil.
  7. Shooting a few rounds of 300WM with your short barrel BLR is just what you need to put your shoulder back into joint. Just to remind you, you had dislocated it while performing a furious tango during the tea dance organised by your bowls club.
  8. A Browning weapon languishing in a gun safe is like a racing car abandoned in a garage. No-one likes to see a racing car abandoned in a garage!
  9. If I can’t go hunting, I shall stop breathing. Is that what you want for our children, to be deprived of their father?
  10. You love driving around in the big 4 by 4, don’t you? It really would be such a pity if we had to sell it.  The Clio will be fine for shopping.

Of course, many other excuses are possible.  What are yours?