Bang! Bang! Bang! You’ve just emptied your magazine at a particularly imposing boar. Unfortunately, you missed the big pig because of the wind, the sun in your eyes, or any number of other reasons (beyond your control, of course: we wouldn’t cast doubt on your shooting skills). The thing is… the dark beast doesn’t look happy at being shot at!

And now you’ve got over 175 lb of hairy muscle tearing towards you. What do you do?

The important thing is not to panic!

If you panic you lose control, and you the hunter become the hunted. And believe us when we say that boars really couldn’t care less about making a clean kill.

If you’re in a wooded area and your arboreal abilities have survived the theory of evolution, get straight up a tree. The boar might be more agile and smarter than we give it credit for, but it’s staying down below.

With a bit of luck, the swine will soon lose interest and leave you to get down at your leisure. If not, we hope you’re wearing an XPO One jacket, because the nights tend to get cool during the hunting season.

If, by some misfortune, you find yourself in open country, do not run! Even if your name is Usain Bolt, a boar can run faster than you (up to 44 mph!) and will wipe the floor with you in a race, and then with its hooves.

The key is self-control

Surviving a boar attack in open country takes a cool head and an agile body. Just as the boar is about to make contact, you have to… jump over it! Boar-leaping, not on the school curriculum, thankfully, is probably your only chance to avoid getting hit. Many hunters who have been charged by a boar swear that this amazing but dangerous evasive action saved their life. According to some reports, hunters who have tried to dive out of the boar’s way ended up skewered. The boar is a wily beast that would appear to be able to predict the hunter’s dodging tactic.

Not convinced? Remember there are some people with nothing better to do than… boar-riding. Fact!

Have a look for yourselves:

But bear in mind that a boar will rarely charge a human. So don’t worry, it’s unlikely you’ll need to follow these recommendations one day. Although, if it helps, you could replace the word “boar” with “mother-in-law” and they’d work just as well.